Definition/Diagnosis:Students who are Empaths are highly sensitive persons (HSPs) adept at absorbing sensory information. Empath's intense perceptive abilities are NOT indications of:
(O'Rourke, 2011) |
This model embodies why students who are Empaths experience emphatic distress fatigue, defined as, "a state of reduced capacity for compassion as a consequence od being exhausted from absorbing the suffering of others" (Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014). The dark feeds the light and the light feeds the dark. Students who are Empaths often struggle to set boundaries and stick to them, which, on top of their perceptiveness, makes them susceptible to stress, depression, illness, fatigue, and overstimulation (Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014) (O'Rourke, 2011)
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Symptoms/Signs:
Students who are Empaths experience sensory information intensely; They have fine tuned senses of smell, touch, hearing, sight, and taste. Students who are Empaths have acute reactions to pain, illness, and intuition. These students are more likely to experience side effects from medications, feel the physiological effects of stimulants (like coffee), and have vulnerable immune systems. Students who are Empaths feel "high sense[s] of responsibility causing anxiety, worries, and unhappiness . . . they can be highly social [and] enjoy others . . . [and they are usually] well behaved" (Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014, p. 7). Students who are Empaths are prone to (unhealthy amounts of) empathy-based guilt and developing co-dependent* relationships.
(O'Rourke, 2011)
*codependency = "is an inability to tolerate a perceived negative affect in others that leads to a dysfunctional empathic response" (Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014, p. 7). It is common for students who are Empaths to develop one-sided relationships in which they enable unhealthy relationship behaviors from others as they give give give.
(O'Rourke, 2011)
*codependency = "is an inability to tolerate a perceived negative affect in others that leads to a dysfunctional empathic response" (Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014, p. 7). It is common for students who are Empaths to develop one-sided relationships in which they enable unhealthy relationship behaviors from others as they give give give.
My experience: Personally, my status as a student Empath has meant I have developed unhealthy friendships where give and take turned into give and give. It has also meant I have been easily overwhelmed by loud classrooms, distracting peers, or anxious thoughts. As a student Empath I have largely felt misunderstood at school and home. I have had chronic migraines since 1st Grade and am just now beginning to believe they are likely the result of a toxic mix of overstimulation and emphatic distress fatigue. While I have felt frustrated, dejected when my peers and teachers do not realize how their emotions impact me, but are quick to deem me "just too sensitive" and "just to quiet," I have come to realize my strengths as a student Empath. I absorb information easily, have adept perceptive capabilities, love learning, am forever curious and passionate, and possess an enormous capacity to love, know, and remember.
Accommodations:
Students who are Empaths need time to decompress after demanding activities or group interactions. Students who are Empaths need teachers who are patient, fair, mindful of classroom harmony and cohesion, and responsive. They need teachers who can recognize how indirect classroom interactions affect students who are Empaths: their moods, attentiveness, and energies. Teachers must also be understanding of and consider valid students' illnesses and physiological stressors. Teachers can help students who are Empaths by:
(Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014) (O'Rourke, 2011)
My experience: I have always wished teachers knew how much I respected them and how excited I get to pursue things I am interested in. I want my teachers (past and present) to know I take feedback of any kind EXTREMELY personally. I crave moments to myself to rest after too much interaction with others, which leaves me overstimulated. I want my teachers to recognize and validate my identity as an Empath (HSPs). Please do not tell me I am "just exaggerating" or make me feel crazy when you cannot feel what I feel, perceive what I perceive. I want teachers to capitalize on my strengths in making connections and synthesizing information and remembering information, rather than simply demoninizing me for my reserved nature and lacking in-class participation (according to standards designed to value extroverted functioning first and foremost). I am using in-class discussion as a time to process my thoughts; I am not being lazy. I wish my teachers in high school understood my headaches were truly debilitating and I actually did sleep 14 hours the night before to be rid of them. I never felt I could explain my headaches to teachers or use them as valid excuses to explain why I had not finished assigments. I had no proof beyond my word because I came to school okay the next day. I simply did not have time to complete my homework without getting up early before school the next morning, which I did and have done my entire academic career. I really want(ed) them to know I craved a listener. I am a counselor to many so, moments to vent are precious and rare to me. I always hoped they would realize I use my extroverted feeling to think critically. I wished they knew I have problems asking for help, and if I do I REALLY need it; Don't turn me away or brush me off. I wish all teachers knew, for me personally, writing changes everything. Writing allows me to sort through all I am feeling so I can distingusish feelings and stressors and emotions that are actually mine, and not things I have absorbed from others.
I also asked other (past and present) (introverted) student Empaths what they want(ed) teachers to know, below are their requests* . . .
"Just because I don’t put up my hand doesn’t mean I’m not participating or don’t have questions - it would have been nice to not be “forced” to ask or answer on the spot questions in front of the whole class, and a bit of one-on-one time, even a minute, would have been great.”
"This is something I didn’t understand about my schooling years until I entered an Empath group on FB [Facebook] a few months ago . . . In the class there is inevitably a class clown or a rebel that actively seeks negative attention from the teacher. Well, the teacher would reprimand the bad boy (sorry, logistically it’s likely male) and that student was thrilled to get a rise from her (again, logistically likely to be female). Meanwhile the Empaths in the classroom get their cortisol and adrenaline levels spiking from the lack of harmony in the classroom . . . the Empaths are on a physiological level suffering from the action and the bad boy feels nothing, if not flattery. There is no easy solution, but it’s something to be mindful of that harsh negative classroom management tactics are felt most keenly by obedient, excessively conscientious Empaths... Here is another one. Some kids are criers. (Just like other kids are pukers or shriekers or super messy... it's a developmental quirk and there is nothing wrong or special about it). So having a stern criticism for a kid that cries will not have a good result, as a crier they will likely internalize it”
"Do not count class participation in the grade. I probably know the answer, I will just never raise my hand. Don't force me into group work or if group work is a must, make sure the roles are clearly defined [ . . .] Keep the attention seeking narcs in class in their place!"
"If I don't understand something, raising your tone, or being aggressive or frustrated, doesn't help me learn, all it does is make a threat profile of you. Kids not learning is not their fault . . . I'm intense. I'm deep. I have internal diagnostics running all the time. 'Am I doing my best?' Even the slightest disapproval, sets off my 'What have I missed? What did I do wrong? How can I improve?' . . . No, I don't overthink . . . most people don't think enough. I can see the branching pathways of the choices you are asking of me, of us, and many outcomes I don't like, and wish to avoid. If I am 'acting up,' chances are, I'm overloaded, overstressed, and trying to prevent an outcome I see further ahead in life's path . . . Most of life is not fair. I don't need reminders. What I need, is you to believee in me, and to tell me so. Listen to the quiet ones, the ones without a voice, the ones without eye contact. They have treasure inside themselves, that in many cases, you will be the only adult that could see it come out."
*participants are not identified by name to respect privacy
- encouraging them to practice self-care and set personal boundaries
- giving direct, fair, and honest feedback (they can sense insincerity and faux positivity a mile away)
- creating self-paced learning environments
- knowing they feel for most everyone and everything (which includes their teacher and their teacher's moods)
- discouraging codependent friendships and relationships
- recognizing if they hang with the "bad kids" it may be a misguided act of compassion
- understanding they desperately want to please their teachers
- never telling them "you're too sensitive" or "you're too . . . [anything]"
- being conscious of their body language and gestures (which impact students' comfortability, receptiveness, and willingess to engage)
- being aware discipline of anyone in the classroom has an effect on students who are Empaths
(Oakley, Knafo, Madhavan, & Wilson, 2014) (O'Rourke, 2011)
My experience: I have always wished teachers knew how much I respected them and how excited I get to pursue things I am interested in. I want my teachers (past and present) to know I take feedback of any kind EXTREMELY personally. I crave moments to myself to rest after too much interaction with others, which leaves me overstimulated. I want my teachers to recognize and validate my identity as an Empath (HSPs). Please do not tell me I am "just exaggerating" or make me feel crazy when you cannot feel what I feel, perceive what I perceive. I want teachers to capitalize on my strengths in making connections and synthesizing information and remembering information, rather than simply demoninizing me for my reserved nature and lacking in-class participation (according to standards designed to value extroverted functioning first and foremost). I am using in-class discussion as a time to process my thoughts; I am not being lazy. I wish my teachers in high school understood my headaches were truly debilitating and I actually did sleep 14 hours the night before to be rid of them. I never felt I could explain my headaches to teachers or use them as valid excuses to explain why I had not finished assigments. I had no proof beyond my word because I came to school okay the next day. I simply did not have time to complete my homework without getting up early before school the next morning, which I did and have done my entire academic career. I really want(ed) them to know I craved a listener. I am a counselor to many so, moments to vent are precious and rare to me. I always hoped they would realize I use my extroverted feeling to think critically. I wished they knew I have problems asking for help, and if I do I REALLY need it; Don't turn me away or brush me off. I wish all teachers knew, for me personally, writing changes everything. Writing allows me to sort through all I am feeling so I can distingusish feelings and stressors and emotions that are actually mine, and not things I have absorbed from others.
I also asked other (past and present) (introverted) student Empaths what they want(ed) teachers to know, below are their requests* . . .
"Just because I don’t put up my hand doesn’t mean I’m not participating or don’t have questions - it would have been nice to not be “forced” to ask or answer on the spot questions in front of the whole class, and a bit of one-on-one time, even a minute, would have been great.”
"This is something I didn’t understand about my schooling years until I entered an Empath group on FB [Facebook] a few months ago . . . In the class there is inevitably a class clown or a rebel that actively seeks negative attention from the teacher. Well, the teacher would reprimand the bad boy (sorry, logistically it’s likely male) and that student was thrilled to get a rise from her (again, logistically likely to be female). Meanwhile the Empaths in the classroom get their cortisol and adrenaline levels spiking from the lack of harmony in the classroom . . . the Empaths are on a physiological level suffering from the action and the bad boy feels nothing, if not flattery. There is no easy solution, but it’s something to be mindful of that harsh negative classroom management tactics are felt most keenly by obedient, excessively conscientious Empaths... Here is another one. Some kids are criers. (Just like other kids are pukers or shriekers or super messy... it's a developmental quirk and there is nothing wrong or special about it). So having a stern criticism for a kid that cries will not have a good result, as a crier they will likely internalize it”
"Do not count class participation in the grade. I probably know the answer, I will just never raise my hand. Don't force me into group work or if group work is a must, make sure the roles are clearly defined [ . . .] Keep the attention seeking narcs in class in their place!"
"If I don't understand something, raising your tone, or being aggressive or frustrated, doesn't help me learn, all it does is make a threat profile of you. Kids not learning is not their fault . . . I'm intense. I'm deep. I have internal diagnostics running all the time. 'Am I doing my best?' Even the slightest disapproval, sets off my 'What have I missed? What did I do wrong? How can I improve?' . . . No, I don't overthink . . . most people don't think enough. I can see the branching pathways of the choices you are asking of me, of us, and many outcomes I don't like, and wish to avoid. If I am 'acting up,' chances are, I'm overloaded, overstressed, and trying to prevent an outcome I see further ahead in life's path . . . Most of life is not fair. I don't need reminders. What I need, is you to believee in me, and to tell me so. Listen to the quiet ones, the ones without a voice, the ones without eye contact. They have treasure inside themselves, that in many cases, you will be the only adult that could see it come out."
*participants are not identified by name to respect privacy
INFJ REFUGE:
An online home for the INFJ Empaths of the world
(INFJ Refuge, 2016)
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References:
INFJ Refuge [Facebook page] (2016). Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/pg/INFJREFUGE/photos/?ref=page_internal
Oakley, B., Knafo, A., Madhavan, G., Wilson, D.S. (2014). Pathological altruism. Oxford, U.K.: Oxford University Press.
O'Rourke, C. (2011). Introduction to being a highly sensitive person [slides]. Retrieved from http://www.slideshare.net/colleenorourke/introduction-to-being-a-highly-sensitive-person
Personal survey of present and former Empath Students
INFJ Refuge [Facebook page] (2016). Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/pg/INFJREFUGE/photos/?ref=page_internal
Oakley, B., Knafo, A., Madhavan, G., Wilson, D.S. (2014). Pathological altruism. Oxford, U.K.: Oxford University Press.
O'Rourke, C. (2011). Introduction to being a highly sensitive person [slides]. Retrieved from http://www.slideshare.net/colleenorourke/introduction-to-being-a-highly-sensitive-person
Personal survey of present and former Empath Students